REAL blockers for me are not internal... (plus a question about gold-prospecting)

by Wojtek

Dear Stan,

This is Wojtek from Poland again.

It's awesome that you're going to launch your e-learning soon and I am really looking forward to it, hoping I would gain some knowledge and insight.

Just as with so many good people who have written here, money is one of my greatest blockers (or rather lack thereof). However, a) I think you're going to cover that in your e-learning, and b) lack of money in my case is by no means the largest and/or the most important problem, although - paradoxically - it is.

I am 43 years old, and I am very well aware that if I do not begin the Great Adventure of my life NOW, I may in fact never begin it, if only because of the fact that none of us is getting any younger, humbly yours included. This means that even from a strictly physical point of view each and every passing day is a disadvantage to me. Even now, why obviously not old, I am not exactly young either, so there is this burning desire, this yearning in me to go the path of adventure asap. Moreover - and I think/hope this is what we all share - I feel that THIS is exactly the right path for me, one where I would finally feel fully secure, complete, happy - AND very possibly prosperous one way or another, one year or another.

But - I am 43 years old and just as this is the last chance for me to go the adventure way, the discovery way, the article- and book writing way etc. - it is also the very last chance for me to start up a family, marry my girlfriend, have a child or children with her. In fact, she almost every day tells me about it, "reminds" me about it. And I cannot blame her: first, I love her, second, even though she is 11 years younger, her biological clock keeps ticking, thirdly, anyone who claims I DO NOT want a family and a child is seriously wrong: I do DREAM of it, I DO want to teach my son (or daughter) things about the world, things they do not usually teach in schools, such as respect for every single living being, sensitivity towards humans, animals and plants, "alternative" history etc. I really do want to get married and later to have a kid. But NOT BEFORE I feel I am REALLY, FULLY and COMPLETELY SETTLED, HAPPY, COMPLETE, not before I KNOW, or at least FEEL, that I can provide financial support not just for myself, but for the whole family! And the ONLY way I know of that this can be realised is when you do what you really love, what you feel you are one with, so to say. It can be travel and adventure or discovery or it can be office work preparing financial statements if that is really what is fascinating for you. But you cannot do things AGAINST yourself! Because you can only develop, become better at what you do, meet the right people to help you (or for you to help them) when you are fully "integrated" with what you do. Also, when you feel completion, satisfaction and happiness at/with your occupation (whatever it is), you can "beam" that completion, satisfaction and happiness to your loved ones - as well as to your friends, neighbours, acquaintances etc.

Let us now imagine I follow your e-learning and start SERIOUS preparations towards a complete change in my life (in fact, no amount of e-courses, books, seminars, instructor-led courses etc. is too much for me). The moment my girlfriend begins to see or sense that I devote my time and energy to finding out how to live a life of adventure, the moment she finds out I save, earn or otherwise acquire money for my trips/expeditions rather than for a wedding, a wedding party, an apparatment etc. - she will want to end our relationship as she will understand that the life of adventure, that the path I have to/want to follow is more important than she is. And that is NOT TRUE!

So how will you tackle this in your course? Being under pressure of time and knowing that whichever way you go, you are going to lose it - either your girlfriend (potential wife), her love, devotion and attention, or the life that you have always envied Stan Grist and hundreds of others who have followed in his footsteps, in the US and elsewhere (including Poland)? Is this a question that can be answered after all, apart from the too-obvious (but not solving anything) "quit your dreams" or "quit her"?

You see, I WANT the best for my girlfriend. That is why, on top of having the money for the wedding and for the appartment (and, obviously, for my expeditions!) I want to provide her some money for the business venture she would like to start, and for a minor surgery she would like to undergo. I would like so much for her... But unless I provide it now (i.e. within the next 12 months or so), she's going to quit. At the same time, if I do not go out exploring, discovering, travelling - and making films about it, writing books about it, writing articles about it etc. etc. - I will never enter the world of my dreams, and consequently I will never change my current status, forever only sighing while reading Internet sites such as yours. The problem is: she wants to get married and have a baby NOW, and I want first to have the peace of mind, soul and the pocket (if you know what I mean) to be able to provide the potential family with real happiness, real devotion and time, and real money.

Add to that the fact that for the last 11 years my mother has been quite seriously ill (and that she gets a very small old age pension so I need to help her financially) and you have a full picture of why I am eternally frustrated and stressed and why at times I feel that your course, even if it is absolutely the best of its kind under the sun, is not going to help me even a single bit. In my case it is strong EXTERNAL factors that play the major role that inhibit me, my actions and my dreams. It is my inability to eat the cake and have it, as well as my inability to take a decision that will hurt someone or make someone unhappy, irrespective of a decision taken.

Maybe if all I needed was two-three months each year for an expedition, then it would be possible to reconcile the two. But - at least the first one I am thinking of simply (for reasons too numerous to mention here) CANNOT be shorter than anything between 6 and 24 months (depending on the region, aim and many other factors). That makes matters more difficult. That, and the fact that I am so desperate and so determined that I am ready and willing to quit my job (a boring, drab and dreary office work, however a steady and relatively well-paid one) knowing fully that it is going to take weeks, months, or perhaps even years before I come level in financial terms.

So can setting up a family and raising a child be called a reckless abandoning of the best dreams or a responsibility of a grown-up adult male? And can DOING IT, and going for expeditions and leading a life of adventure be called reckless, stupid and irresponsible, or can it be called having an attempt to sort out one's very unhappy, stressful and frustrated life with a view of providing some well-being also to the loved one(s)?

I wonder what you (are going to) have to say about that during your e-course. And I wonder whether there are any men (or women) out there in a similar (or at least comparable) situation...

To change the subject completely: there is a lot of talk here about gold-prospecting. Well, most of this site's readers are from the US, where there is quite a lot of gold, or else they come from (or have gone to) Ecuador, where there may be even more gold. But what about a country such as Poland (and/or other Central European states)? Is anything you have to say about gold prospecting applicable to me and my country?

As always, please accept my best and friendly wishes.

Comments for REAL blockers for me are not internal... (plus a question about gold-prospecting)

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Jun 13, 2010
Have your cake and eat it too
by: Jack

I would like to offer my two cents as a reply to your moving letter. I found myself in a similar position many years ago.

I was with a woman I loved, and I wanted to start a family. I also wanted to live a life of adventure. I chose to get married and start a family. I have never regretted that decision, even though the marriage only lasted ten years. My sons have made it all worth while.

I had my adventures through the years. What I would have done differently looking back is, I would have made certain that my wife to be understood that I was going to follow my dream of adventure, while being a good husband and father.

The two can coexist. Make very sure she understands and agrees. If the woman truly loves you, she will want you to be happy too. If she is not thinking only of herself, she will want you to follow your dreams.

You can plan for one expedition, or exploration adventure a year. They tend to take that long to plan well anyway. Your family should be able to do without you for the time you will be gone, that one time a year. It will give you something to look forward to, to plan for.

That will make the daily job easier to cope with. Your children will enjoy having an adventurer father, and will look forward to hearing the stories of your discoveries. Go on your adventures, come home and work on your writing,editing your movies, and enjoy your family. Your wife will miss you when you are gone, and will be glad when you return.

I honestly believe you can have it all. If your wife is reluctant to let you go, involve her in your planning. Tell her about what you hope to find. Let her help you with the research. You may find a willing partner. Many famous explorers throughout history had a good wife backing them up.

Stan can show ways to create enough additional income to pay for your trips, without spending money your family needs. So, this is only my opinion, but I think you should have the family you want, and live the life you desire. Do it all, you can you know.

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